and now you're burning everything around you
by tears over beers
Summary: Didn't I tell you, Nymphadora, that little girls who play with fire get their fingers burnt? Charlie/Tonks/Remus


A/N: Don't own, takes place during the Half-Blood Prince and if I had a tumour I'd name it Marla.

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><p><strong>I've never told a lie and that makes me a liar,<strong>

**I've never made a bet but we gamble with desire,**

**I've never lit a match with intent to start a fire **

**But recently the flames are getting out of control.**

_-'Jasey Rae', All Time Low._

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><p><em><strong><span>I<span>**_

_(you're just __one__ person)_

You've done something bad.

You like to think it was the rebellious side of you kicking out again but that would be a lie. You like to think you were _pushed _to do it and maybe you were. So fucking _sick_ of people calling you perfect.

"_I can't be with you. You're too young, too whole, too __perfect__._"

Oh he didn't seem to realise that _he _was the perfect one- polite and charming and chivalrous and _all the rest_. You're _nothing _compared to him and don't you fucking know it.

You like to think it was his fault. No not _him_, him.

"_I'm so sorry I left. I can't believe I actually left you behind... you're __**perfect**__._"

You were just so sick of everyone thinking you were perfect. The _perfect_ auror with the _perfect _sense of humour and the _perfect _loyalty...

_Ha!_

Of course, you're all about _Remus _and you have been for a _year _now. Charlie, Charlie was just a little flirting for old time's sake... Right?

But then _Remus _pushed you away againagain_again_ and you did what your first instinct was... You ran to Charlie. You knew you didn't _love _him but he was _there _and he had been for a _year_. You already _had _Charlie and it was so _easy_. It was only a one time thing, anyway. A one time thing that turned into a two, three, _fourfivesix__more_time thing.

But it wasn't your fault, oh no.

It was _Bellatrix's _fault for hunting you down and _Sirius' _fault for dying. _Mad-Eye's _fault for working you to the bone and _Kingsley's _fault for not covering your shifts. _Narcissa's _fault for giving you dirty looks in Diagon Alley and _Draco's _fault for turning into a miniature version of his father. _Ginny's _fault for looking up to you and _Bill's _fault for complaining about his family hating his fiancée. _Fleur's _fault for being more attractive than you. _Molly's _fault for being so nice and... and... _everyoneeveryoneveryone's faults..._

Never you. It's _never _your fault, is it, Nymphadora?

Yes, you've done something _bad_. Playing two people off, toying with emotions and _b r e a k i n g_ people. Indecision is a crime, Nymphadora, and especially when it involves _other_ humans. Indecision leads to pity and affairs and unwanted children. Indecision leads to wars and tragic Kurt Cobain endings (or is that just drugs? You're not sure...). You'll make a choice, you decide. A clean cut choice, one that ends everything there and then-

_Oh look, its Remus..._

..._**Maybe tomorrow?**_

_(Didn't you know, Nymphadora? Little girls that play with fire get their fingers __burnt__. You should make the choice __now__ before you burn down __everything __around you)_

**_II_**

_(grasping hold of __two__ people) _

The heavy clouds of winter roll onwards and you're _still _messing around.

Stay with Charlie tonight, but **wait**, _Remus_ is back from the wolves and if you can just **convince **him you might get _him _and-

Little girls that play with fire get their fingers burnt; didn't anybody ever tell you that, Mes Amie?

Bill's figured it out and he's _not happy_ (but then again, you have been playing his brother for a while now). You should've figured out sooner that this wouldn't just affect the three of you, and now you've lost your best friend, you silly, silly girl.

You both shout and scream in a magically silenced room for what seems like hours and it hurts, because just about everything he says is bang on target. Not that you let him know that, obviously.

I mean, come on, Bill just doesn't **understand**_..._

_(Times ticking, Nymphadora)_

You've ignited.

**_III_**

_(because you're scared of being left alone for the __third__ time)_

It's just after Christmas and you've been avoiding everyone. If they're going to assume things, might as well leave them to it.

You do finally swing by, towards the end of the holidays, but that's more for Ginny's sake; you promised you'd see her and despite not _wanting _to, you've messed around her brother so much that feel obliged to.

(Of course, you pick a day when_ Remus_ and Charlie are no where to be seen)

You stay for dinner and it's _horrible_. All the damn _sympathy_ that you really don't deserve makes you want to scream and the looks Bill are sending you over the table are killing you. You decide to stare at your feet under the table for a bit instead of having to look at him, but of course Molly takes pity on you and assumes it a part of your newfound depression. If only she knew how you've been treating her son, she wouldn't be so sympathetic then, would she?

It's after dinner that's the worst, though, because that's when Fleur confronts you. Oh, Bill's told her _everything _and she's not too happy about the way you're treating '_son __nouveau frère'_.

It's awful because every single thing she's saying (even when she's swearing at you in French) is so damn _true_. Trouble is, Molly steps in and she automatically takes _your _side. Because Fleur's _picking on you_ and you're going through a _rough patch _and what right does she have to shout at you?

_(_Oh Molly, if only you knew_)_

It's slightly ironic, you think, that everyone around here seems to think that _Fleur _is the bad person. That she's _horrible _on the inside and that _you're _the good person. Oh, how very wrong they are.

You don't tell them that, though, do you? _Nonono, it's __much__ easier to pretend that __you're__ the good person here_. _It's not really cheating, is it? I mean, you're not really in a __**relationship**__ with either of them, right?_

Ginny gives you a long hug and tells you that everything will be ay-okay and it makes you want to scream at her. _You're _not the good person and she really _would_ be better off looking up to Fleur. Wasn't it you last year that told her to _follow her heart_, to be a _good person_, to _never love two people_, to _never go for lust_ and _nevereverever_ lead two people on?

_Hypocrisy, thy name is Nymphadora. _

**_IV_**

_(you're going __four__ kinds of crazy)_

Spring. New life and all that shit, right?

Maybe not.

You've gotten in too deep and you don't know where to turn.

You and _Remus_ have been on and off like a muggle stove for the past year and Charlie's been there without question. That's the trouble, you're caught between the Charlie you _have_ and the _Remus_ you want.

Oh yes, you've gotten in _f a r_ too deep. You're getting c o n f u s e d, making **mistakes**.

Because last night you called Charlie _Remus _and by that tiny look in his eye you know he fucking noticed.

And just yesterday, when you and _Remus_ were in the kitchen alone:

"_Pass us the sugar, Char_."

Whoops.

For all _Remus _knows, you haven't seen Charlie for a month.

And by the way he raised one eyebrow you know he fucking noticed.

Oh Dora, darling, you should have gotten out whilst you still had the chance. You're slipping up, making mistakes. Still smouldering, still burning.

Charlie's gone back to Romania for two weeks so that means _Remus_ is here... But wait... Is that right? Or was it _Remus_ going back to the wolves for two weeks and Charlie staying here?

_Which one are you? I thought you were over there? Where is he? You're not supposed to be here! __**Why aren't you him?**_

**_V_**

_(you're feeling the need for __five__ shots of whisky)_

It's more than just you _lying_, now, isn't it Dora?

They've cottoned on and you'd think they'd both leave you in the dust for it, wouldn't you? (You kindofsortofmaybe wish they would. Then it would be _their _choice not _yours_)

_But they don't_. _Of course they fucking don't._

Charlie, he's a little more vocal with helping you along with the decision; pulling you towards him and brushing the hair from the nape of your neck and whispering in your ear

"_I love you._"

Surprisingly enough, _Remus_ is the one that shows his feelings through physicality. His words are still "_You deserve someone young and whole_" but his _actions_ are all about **you**.

You're in a flurry and you're not quite sure where to turn.

There's Charlie with his flaming redredred hair and those deep bluegreen eyes and that still boyish smile that makes you melt a little. He's attractive with his well-muscled body and cute face and you can tell people look at him twice when he's walking down the street. He's the dragon-loving Quidditch star that everyone always loves. Charlie is summer; predictable, unchanging, all cut grass and watching the late sunset. He's your past and everything behind you- Hogwarts, Hufflepuff, jokes by the lake and winding up Snape in potions class. But Charlie, Charlie's **overbearing**. He's getting a little clingy and you don't do clingy. You loved him, loved him properly once but now it's more... lust. He's a convenience because you have him and, well, that's too easy, isn't it?

And then there's _Remus_ with his _greying_ hair and those _everchanging _eyes and that tiny crinkle his lips do when he smiles and it makes him look ten years younger and it makes you positively _grin_. He's handsome in his _own_ way with his slender frame and scarred face and the fact that he's _older_ which to you just makes him better looking and you can tell that no one looks at him twice when he's walking down the street. He's the book-loving werewolf that everyone is wary of (not that they need to be, not if they know the **real** _Remus_). _Remus_ is autumn; unpredictable and ever changing, all crunchy leaves and cuddling through thunderstorms. He's someone you would really like in your _future_ and everything in front of you- growing old together, reading books by candlelight, walking through the park hand in hand and falling asleep to the heartbeat behind you. But _Remus_, _Remus _is **afraid**. He's pu_shing _you away and pu_lling _you back and you're getting a little sick of it. You love him, love him _properly_ but he's afraid to even be _near _you half the time in case he does something. He's a challenge because you _want_ him so badly and well, you've always liked a challenge, haven't you?

You don't know which one to choose and your time is running _out_. But who **are** you going to choose? The ever-adoring man that you don't adore back or the man you **do** adore but is afraid to do so much as touch you half the time in case he spontaneously combusts or some shit like that?

(_Way to sodding pick 'em_)

You're a bad person, Dora, leading two people on for your own needs and you know it. You _p u s h_ yourself away from everybody as if it's _their_ fault, hide yourself away and s c r e a m at anybody that comes near you.

You know who you're turning into?

_Narcissa Malfoy._

Your Aunt.

(_It's not __my__ fault Andromeda left, it's __hers__, it's not __my__ fault I never went after her, it's __Bella's__, it's not __my__ fault Draco is like he is, it's __Lucius'__, it's not __my__ fault Sirius is dead and Nymphadora's in hospital, it's __theirs__, it's not __my__ fault Lucius is in Azkaban, it's __The Dark Lord's__)_

You don't know what to do, everything and everyone you touch _burns_. You continue to push yourself away from people because they're starting to get wise to this façade that you've been pulling, this little game you've been playing. Everything you touch turns to ash and it's still _not helping, not at all_ because now you're even _more _alone. You're _scared_, you're just a child and everyone's leaving again. Icy loneliness is what you remember and you've craved the heat of the fire for so long that you've let it swarm over you completely, burning, burning, _b u r n i n g_ and now you're burning everything around you.

**_VI_**

_(you're finally getting __si__(__x__)ck of this)_

Funnily enough, it's Bill that helps you make the choice. Not that he knows it; he's unconscious at the time.

They say that fear brings out the best in you and before you know what you're doing, you're screaming for the whole hospital to hear. (Luckily enough, Charlie is not there)

_He_ finallyfinally_finally _accepts **everything **(not just those little _touch and go _moments the two of you have) and you take it as a sign. You're a little preoccupied after that but you make a mental note to actually burn up every tie you have with Charlie.

The next few weeks are a blur of making plans and fending off Death Eaters and avoiding Charlie and getting married.

_Woah. Hold up. Married? When did that happen?_

No matter, it's done now. Happiest day of your life and all that shit.

It's such a whir that it's making you _sick_ (no, not wanting-to-run-away sick, throwing-up-what-you-had-for-lunch sick) but that's alright, it's over now and its fine. You've cooled down. You're fine. You're _pretty _sure you've made the right choice so I guess all you can do now is sit back, go with the flow and wait for the happy ending.

(_All whilst praying to Merlin or Helga or whoever that you __did__ make the right choice)_

Yes, don't you worry, Dora. Everything is going to be ay-okay now that you've made your choice.

**_VII_**

_(are you on your __seventh__ sin?)_

Wait... Pregnant? _Fu-uck._

_(Didn't I tell you, Nymphadora, that little girls who play with fire get their fingers burnt?)_

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><p>AN: Me and this fic have been having a little mini-war. I actually finished this on the same day as A n t o n y m but I've been on and off with it ever since.

Firstly, I want to say _thanks_ to my beta, xoxosmileyfacexoxo because she's put up with me spamming her with this piece and she must have read it a few times by now.

Secondly, I am aware of the fact that Tonks only visited the Weasley's around Christmas in the film adaption of HBP. It's been a while since I've read HBP thoroughly but from what I can recall, she's only explicitly said not to be there at Christmas itself. Roll with me on this one. Again...


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